And now for something completely different: From the fertile brain of Iowahawk, Midwest Peace Breakthrough as British Marines Released. (He can even do Brit tabloid headline-ese. Man’s a genius.)
The surprise morning release of the 38 sailors and marines ended a tense three-day standoff between the British government and a breakaway Lutheran militia group that controls large swaths of the notorious “Manure Triangle” region spanning Iowa, Minnesota and Wisconsin.
As he skipped and cartwheeled off to the waiting double-decker, a beaming Rumpsworthy turned to BBC cameras and shouted, “Look, Mum! Weeee! I’m a hero!”
The former captives’ ordeal began Tuesday, when the British destroyer HMS Chamberlain was conducting joint training exercises with the US Navy at Great Lakes Naval Training Station on Lake Michigan, just north of Chicago. According to insurgent naval commander Chuck Sorenson, the vessel strayed into Lutheran territorial waters.
“Oh yah, dey were totally on the Wisconsin side,” said Sorenson. “I was tossin’ some empty driveway patch cans out dere in my storage shed and I could see ’em out dere on da lake, big as day.”